Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
