I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
