I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
