your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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