I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
