i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she pinky promised me she was 18
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
