Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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