Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
