WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize