if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize