talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
