Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
