I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize