Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
