he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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