So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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