just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
