So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There r osticjed everywhere
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
