Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
