MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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