I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
