Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
