Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
there was a trapeze. enough said
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
