On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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