apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
