Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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