he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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