So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
