Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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