my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize