I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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