We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
