It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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