guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
