I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
