in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
