my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
