Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
