She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
