his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
