Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
