I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
