theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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