This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
