I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
