Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this boner is exhausting
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
