i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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