I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
