saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
