I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
