You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
