is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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