You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just want nice things and good sex
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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