So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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