are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Semen is not good for contacts.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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