Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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