tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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