I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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