Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize