Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
