Cold hands, warm shart.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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