I cockslap morals
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
And then he peed in my hair
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