Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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