wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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