He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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