felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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