We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
