I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
