Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
