he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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