I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
