I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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