Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
