All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
