I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
